Today, an older lady cursed at me for not holding a door open for her. The door in conversation was automatic. INSB

Today, I was fortunate enough to fall flat on my face into a used condom. INSB

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. INSB

Tonight, I went to a dress up party. The theme was pirates and prostitutes. At the door I was handed a voucher that said: 'Thank you for dressing up. Free drink at the bar.' Yet, I didn't dress up. INSB

Today, I found out the antibiotics I'm taking can cause you to vomit unexpectedly. On the bus. Without warning. INSB

I was so drunk, and as i sat there looking at my chair my anger progressively grew. i was not mad at anyone but this chair. i grabbed a nearby steak knife and stabbed the chair with everything i had. my hand slid down the serrated blade and cut off both my pinkie and ring finger.

Today, my 5 year old daughter learned that if you give a mouse a little cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if your give a hamster a little cookie, it will try to stuff the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. INSB

Today, I handed out 30 of my resumes only to find out, after I handed out the last resume that my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a little pussy.' INSB

Today i was yelling at my manager. he asked me if i would like to talk to the manager. I was confused so i said ok. he whipped out his chod and i passed out INSB

Today, while cleaning my apartment I dropped an open box of nails. Not even five seconds went by when the power went out. INSB